I don't know exactly when it shifted. I think it was slow. I started leaving one afternoon unplanned, then a whole day, and the anxiety about it did get easier with time although I won't pretend it vanished. The best stuff, the conversation with a stranger, the market I stumbled into, the second glass of wine that led somewhere unexpected, none of it was scheduled. You can't schedule it. I knew that technically but knowing it and actually leaving the space are two different things.
I thought collecting the countries was the point. I'm still not totally sure what the point was supposed to be, or if there needed to be one. I just know I came back feeling emptier than I expected.
I knew travel insurance existed, I just never thought the math would apply to me. It's the kind of thing where five trips go fine and you feel like you've figured something out, and then you haven't. I'm not sure I'd call it a mistake exactly, because I didn't know and I made a normal decision with the information I had. But I also lost two years of a plan I'd been looking forward to, over $85. I go back and forth on it depending on the day.